The Closing Can Be Much Like a Stage Play

By Bill Primavera

The Home Guru

For a period, I considered turning my writing interests to that of a playwright and thought about one setting that could be used for a series of dramatic or comedic scenarios, much like in Neil Simon’s Plaza Suite, where different couples occupy one hotel room, each with their own story to reveal.

I considered a number of locations, varying from a funeral parlor (but Six Feet Under beat me to the punch) to a massage parlor (this one still has my interest as really fertile ground), but after participating in a good number of real estate closings, I’m sure that a lawyer’s office for the final step in the real estate transaction could offer a great setting for high drama or situation comedy.

At the closing, the seller and buyer meet, most often for the first time, in the company of their respective lawyers, along with the title company closer and the mortgage company representative. The real estate agents are also there in case anything goes wrong that may need their help, to congratulate their clients, and pick up their checks for their services. 

Because a home is usually the biggest investment anyone makes, the stakes are high. While the purpose of a closing is the perfunctory act of transferring title of a property from the seller to the buyer, it can spark great human emotion and an assortment of maneuverings that could best be attributed to human nature.

The one person who has been to more closings than anyone else I know is Teresa McManus, an associate of mine who for many years has worked as a title closer.  "It's the time when the power of negotiation is more at play than any other situation I can think of,” Teresa said recently. “Sometimes it’s a power play, or just wanting to win in the negotiating process,” she continued. “It all depends on who has the most stamina to maintain his or her position. That’s the one who wins.”

Teresa recalled situations where a closing was delayed because the seller wouldn’t give a concession of just $50 for something that needed fixing.  “I have seen situations where the buyer just stops signing all the papers, or one of the parties leaves the table and takes a walk to cool off. Most often the seller backs down in the face of the closing being postponed, and sometimes it’s the buyer, but somebody has to give in.

“My main job is to make sure everybody is who they say they are and to expedite the process. Because I’ve worked in a law firm and am a paralegal, I know a lot about the many laws that come into play with the closing process, and that helps the process along.

“I make sure that every figure is correct, from the sale price and the down payment, to all charges to the seller, the real estate commissions, adjustments for school taxes and utilities, transfer taxes paid by the seller, and bank fees – and there is very little margin for error.

“Along with all the serious stuff, I try to make people feel good while they’re there. I bring candy, cookies, gifts, and coloring books and crayons for the kids. Anything to take the edge off,” Teresa said. And that edge can be very sharp.

I know of one closing some years ago where there was a tangle of personal relationships on the seller’s side in that her own realtor happened to be her ex-husband. He arrived at the closing with a large brown paper bag which he placed on the table, and during the proceedings, he became convinced that he was not going to be paid his commission. When the bank check was placed on the table, he leaped forward, confiscated it and bolted out of the office. The two lawyers ran after him, as well as the buyer, and capturing him, slammed him up against the wall in the foyer. Suddenly someone shouted, "Watch it, I think he has a gun in the bag!”  One of his captors pulled the bag from his hands and, opening it, found just a bottle of champagne, a sign that a happier ending had been anticipated.

My own first closing had an odd twist. My wife and I were very young and had the tendency to oversleep. We were jolted out of bed on the morning of our closing with a call from our lawyer asking where we were.  We literally threw on our clothes and dashed to the subway. 

It was the very first time I had seen my wife in broad daylight without a touch of make-up, and I made the mistake of commenting on how different she looked without it. My wife was not pleased with what I said and, always being delightfully candid, said, “Well, it’s not as though I’m missing a nose or something!”  What I meant, however, was that she looked so young without her makeup. 

What proved my point was that, when we arrived, the bank attorney refused to believe that she was at least 21 and wanted proof.  In the rush, my wife had forgotten to take any identification and both she and the seller, who knew her, had to sign affidavits attesting to the fact that she was indeed over 21. Why would the lawyers have thought that I brought a child along to buy the house? 

My most recent personal experience with a closing was as the buyer’s agent for my daughter and son-in-law. I kept welling up with tears as I witnessed my little girl buying her own home and had to leave the room a couple of times. Finally, I made the excuse that I would tend to their baby in another room while they continued the process, which was a very happy one, with very cooperative sellers. Probably this scenario, easy and happy, would not make for dramatic impact in a play. But, good, I say.

Then there are scenarios involving divorce or death where there is either bitterness or great sadness. “I learned a long time ago not to use this gathering to ask a widow for her husband’s death certificate” Teresa said. “Even though it’s needed if the deceased party’s name is on the deed, it’s best to handle this in advance with the lawyers.”

Another suggestion offered by Teresa is not to have any drinks at the closing. At first, I assumed that she meant alcoholic drinks, but no, she was referring to any beverage at all that can spill and ruin one-of-a-kind documents on the table. “All lawyers and closers know this and keep any beverage bottle on the floor,” she said

That’s something good to remember, but at some closings, I’m sure a stiff drink of the alcoholic variety might be in order.

Bill Primavera is a licensed Realtor® (PrimaveraHomes.com), affiliated with Coldwell Banker, and a marketing practitioner (PrimaveraPR.com). He can be emailed at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or reached directly at 914-522-2076.

Follow him on Twitter for housing market updates at Twitter.com/HomeGuruNY.